Let me start with, I am not the missionary type…
April 2014, my boots first hit foreign soil.
Four days before I left for a China mission trip with my church, I was in Vegas. Doing what I always did. Chasing vapors and drowning broken dreams. I have not lived a “clean life” I did not have a burning passion for lost souls. I’m not condoning anything, I am simply sharing the condition of my heart at that time. If I’m not transparent my testimony holds no power.
Two years ago if someone would of told me I would be living in China as a “missionary” I may of laughed and said something very distasteful in response. Did I love God? Sure. Did I believe in him and his son? Yup. Had I been baptized 30 times as a kid? Check! But was I following him? Absolutely not.
Two years ago if someone would of told me I would be living in China as a “missionary” I may of laughed and said something very distasteful in response.
See, something amazing happens when you start to follow Christ… your life changes. Crazy, right?! You didn’t do it. You didn’t start trying harder and your church attendance didn’t make you more holy. It’s simple. He leads, you follow. Fight it, question it, roll on the floor screaming, but you follow.
My story of China started in a Starbucks in Vacaville California. I was having a conversation with my Father, when he told me that he was diagnosed with Liver cancer. My first thought was, “these kind of things happen to other people, not us.” He was very optimistic and comforted me in my distress. He had been telling me for some time that he thinks I should go to China with him on a mission trip. I told him “no!” quickly every time without much explanation. Well over coffee that difficult night in December it came up again. This time it was different. I thought to myself “that this very well may be our last adventure together.” So I signed up.
I didn’t ask for a dollar from anyone to fund my trip. I tried to keep it on the hush from my old circle. I felt and knew some would have mocked me for it. See, I believed my hands were too dirty to handle the gospel.
Long story short: I got there and it rocked my world. All of the things that I thought were important fell to the ground like heavy worthless rocks. God opened up my eyes to true value and I couldn’t close them again. Many nights there I prayed/demanded that God would give me China. I told him, “it is not fair to bring me here, make my heart alive and wave this country in my face only to let me go back to normal life.” I recall one conversation with my Father on the 24th floor balcony of our hotel. We were overlooking the sparkling city at night and I asked him very emotionally, “how is it possible to just get back in the routine of things after this?! I feel like my heart is alive for the first time. Previous life looks like death now.” I don’t recall his response.
How is it possible to just get back in the routine of things after this?! I feel like my heart is alive for the first time. Previous life looks like death now.
Months later back in California. I felt haunted by the faces that I had met in China. All of the local missionary’s and some of the college students that I had befriended rose to the surface of my heart hourly. One wonderful Chinese person in particular, but that is another story.
It felt like I had to hold this new heart and life that God birthed in me under water, until it stopped kicking, just In order to get back to normal life. One day, I heard very clearly, “What if you go? What if you just do it?” It was like the most obvious answer to what was troubling. Yet somehow it wasn’t obvious to me until I heard that. Within a week of prayer and confiding with people that I trust, my “what if?” turned into “I’m going!”
I started to plan out and dismantle my American life that I once worked so hard for. I couldn’t have been happier to depart from my former toil that I use to treasure. Some people said, “What a sacrifice! Wow!” But I don’t believe that to be true. See, when God gives the hopeless a dream, there is no sacrifice. It is a blessing and honor to have purpose, regardless of personal cost.
I called up a good brother in China and told him I was coming on over. I booked a one-way flight with my last paycheck. Set to leave March 10th 2015, 7 months ahead. A lot happened in the time leading up to my departure. God began to show me that He was and is my only hope and those who completely cast themselves on him will not perish in shame or failure.
On March the 3rd, 2015 in the PM my father passed away. My last mutual conversation was regarding China. I told him that I need to postpone for another date. He was not happy with the idea. He wanted me to stay the course. My ticket that I purchase 7 months prior was set to leave in one week from his death. I knew in my heart what I had to do. I left California March 10th 2015 that morning with my Father’s blessing, both of them.
I wrote him a letter ahead of time, which I was never able to give him. It read:
Dear Dad,
I cannot imagine the riches that lay and wait for me. The friendships, the power of God and the vast stories that I will bank.
Herbert Taylor Hudson, Sir Ernest Shackleton’s navigator for the ship Endurance wrote a short letter to his father before heading to the treacherous Antarctic in 1912, he wrote:
“Dear old Dad, just a line before we sail. We’ve had a very good time so far. And I think we shall do well. I hope to be home again within 19 months and go straight to front. What a glorious age we live in…”
I couldn’t agree more, what a glorious age we live in, Dad. Thank you for the gift of China, my promise land.
– Your son
I spent 31 years with that man. He gave me many gifts and shared many things throughout the time we had together. But the most precious thing my Dad ever gave me was, China.
The most precious thing my Dad ever gave me was, China.
Don’t be afraid to do something outrageous. Something that goes against the society and the noose of culture that we are given from a young age. God sent his son to a world that hated him. That’s crazy! See, it doesn’t have to make sense. You just have to trust.